Goodbye to you
by Dean's Little Secret
Summary: Sam goes to visit Dean's grave after he dies. Just a sad little story a wrote after seeing how different Sam has become


**Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine (sad I know)**

**Sam's a little out of character at the end but I hope its ok lol**

**Inspired by when Piper cries for Prue on Charmed**

**Goodbye to y_ou_**

It had almost been a month when Sam returned to Dean's grave. It was late in the night; icy rain fell down around him and thunder roared through the sky. He stared at the grave, hidden beneath towering trees, a single wooden cross marking the site of the grave. Sam stared at the ground, his hands shaking by his sides and tears running down his cheeks, mixing with the rain. He wanted so desperately to reach out, to hold the body that lay six feet under the ground. He stepped closer, body shaking from repressed sobs. As he stared at the grave his heart shattered, he lost his balance and collapsed to the muddy ground. It had taken this long to realise Dean was really gone and he wasn't coming back.

No spell, no deal, could change this. He'd tried, he'd tried so Goddamn hard but no matter what he did or tried changed the fact Dean was dead. Gone. Forever. Sam was left in a world overflowing with evil and he had no reason left to fight for it, no reason to fight for the day where there would be no demons. No reason to live. No one to stand by his side as he fought desperately to save the world that was sinking into the darkness. No one there to catch him when he fell, no there to wake him from his nightmares, no one to keep have his back.

Sam crawled closer to the grave, too tired to stand. His shaky hands came to a stop on the cross, he clutched his hand tightly around it, as if it could making him that much closer to his dead brother. He felt his head drop to the ground, hitting the muddy ground with a thud, but he felt no pain, he was too numb now. Sam closed his eyes, hiding the tears that he had tried to hide for so long. He balled his hands into fists and bit his lip to force back the sobs. He tried to make the pain go away, to make the ache of his heart cease, it never did.

The icy rain came to a stop, Sam didn't notice, he didn't even notice when the sun rose. Gold streamed through the trees, warming Sam's frozen skin. He didn't feel the warmth though, only the cold that froze his heart. The heart that Dean had shattered when he died, the one he broke when he made that damn deal. Did he think of Sam? Did he think that Sam would have to watch him die, would have to bury him and somehow manage to keep fighting? How did Dean expect Sam to be able to do this? How the hell did he even think Sam would be ok?

Dean had said he couldn't bear to live without Sam but now he had to live without Dean and every time he thought it, thought _Dean is dead_, _Dean is gone_, he felt himself die a little more. It wasn't fair, how could Dean do this? He'd left Sam on his own, left him to face the world by himself. How could he? Sam had been dead, he should have stayed dead, Dean shouldn't have sold his soul because now Sam had to live without him. And Dean thought, _he thought_ Sam would be ok, that he'd somehow stay strong and carry on and have some fairy tale ending. How could he carry on? He didn't want to fight, he wanted to just lay here and die.

He wanted to be near Dean. To hear his laugh, see his smile and have him rocking out in the Impala. Like they had, the night before he died. That was the last time Sam felt alive, in that one fleeting moment. In that moment Sam had forgotten it all, the deal, the demons, it was just them, singing terrible to Bon Jovi. It was the last happy moment with his brother, before he left. Before he left Sam to face the world by himself.

Sam let out an anguished sob and slammed his fist into the drying ground. He gritted his teeth and forced away the burning rage that boiled within him. The rage that had burned ever since he watch his brother die. The rage and anguish boiled under his skin, images of his brother lying bloody, _dead_ on the floor flashed in his minds eye. He opened his eyes; he didn't want to see it anymore. He stared at the grave with mixed emotions, rage, sorrow and fear, he felt it all. He looked up the cross, an image of digging the grave with Bobby filled his mind and he wanted it to go, for all of it go.

_He wanted Dean back._

This was the second grave he had dug for Dean, the first being the time he had been shot. This time though, the Trickster wasn't going to bring Dean back. No one was, no one could. Dean was gone. _Dead_. Sam was alone, no one to lean on, no one to save him from himself. Only one person to blame. His anger towards Dean was at boiling point. He shouldn't be angry with him, he had died for him after all, but he left him alone. No thought for Sam, he just needed Sam alive so he wasn't alone. Sam was alone now. Dean was gone. Six feet below him, out of reach, out of site, but never out of his mind.

Never really gone.

Sam sobbed once more, the ground below him getting dryer and sticking and cracking on his skin. He didn't feel it though, he was numb and it was Dean's fault. He had done this for Sam, sold his soul, gone to hell all so Sam could live. But Sam would have done the same, he had been dead and if he had a way at the time he would have told Dean not to make the deal. Because Sam was alone now. No reasons left to fight, no reason to get back up. Plenty of reason to fall.

Dean's fault he would he fall.

All _his_ fault…

Sam felt the rage boil to the surface, he slammed his fist into the ground, splitting the skin but causing no pain. Sam fought back the raged filled sobs and the tears burned his eyes.

"How could you do this to me?" he whispered against the ground "How could you think I would be okay?" he sat up, staring at the grave through clouded eyes "How dare you!" he shouted, his voice breaking the silence of the forest "How dare you leave me here on my own?" the tears fell now and his fists landed heavily on the grave with each word "How dare you die and leave me here all on my own" sobs wracked his body and tears of grief, anger and pure heartache cascaded down his dirt covered cheeks "Please come back!" his voice dropped to a whisper "Please come back, I need you" his fists stopped hitting the ground, his knuckles busted and bloody but he felt no pain. He collapsed back down on the ground and screamed in anguish "Please come back."

_But he didn't. _

Dean was gone and Sam was dead.

**Please tell me what you thought :) love reviews**


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